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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed
baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't
move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a
statue."What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was
said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen
and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he
said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths'
for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
A woman went into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's
funeral. She told the director that she wanted her husband to be buried in a
dark blue suit. He asked, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the
black suit that he's wearing?""No," she insisted as she handed him a check
to buy a dark blue suit. "It must be blue."When she came back for the wake,
she saw her husband in the coffin, and he was wearing a beautiful blue suit.
She told the director how much she loved the suit and asked how much it
cost. He said, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing
happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in wearing a blue
suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other
widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said
that was fine with her, so I switched the heads."
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